Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
