I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
