Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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