...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You're a waste of cheezeits
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
