shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
