I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
