Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
