i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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