you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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