My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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