it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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