The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
