im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
