Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
