I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
