Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
