Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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