You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize