I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
