i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
