grandma shit on top of the toilet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tornado booty call.. dedication
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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