Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
