Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
