she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
