in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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