sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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