So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
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There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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