i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
