You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
