dude i'm inner monologue high
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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