My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Text me some of your sweat
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