I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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