you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
