Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
