we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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