I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
a search helicopter?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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