none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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