Kiss
Puke
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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