yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
