Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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