went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
