i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
