piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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