new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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