Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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