How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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