I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Drake has all the answers
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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