Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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