you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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