you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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