before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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