idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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