totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
