Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
