apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
