Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
