good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
