So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
