Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
